If I could say sorry

If I could say sorry

For the million ways I make you mad

When we both end up being sad

Emotional turmoil and sleepless nights.

If it was easier to turn a blind eye,

I would tell myself this is how it’s supposed to be.

If I could be stronger than this,

Be the girl you always wished for.

I never thought I’d lose my mind

I’ve got this feeling that you are slipping away.

Soon, you’ll be gone forever.

See how things inched from how they were before.

If I could go back in time

The days we secretly wished to fight

Ways to make up were divine.

If it was less complicated

If I could say sorry

For the million ways I make you mad.

You call me up…trying to figure out why I am so messed

I speak endlessly, nothing but crap.

Feeling terribly nervous for what I did.

There is nothing I want to prove to you

Just be my friend, be with me forever like this.

I’ll make it alright…just don’t be mad.

Wish the day never happened

A sudden jet of love hormones  

As I see you sitting at the corner table in CCD

But when I see your face

It felt like a lightning struck me

Nevertheless I composed instantly

Didn’t let the mystical caffeine air, entice me.

This wasn’t a date, I came here to talk

Stop looking at how sexy he is

Stop being victim to the chivalrous charm.

We only shook hands…followed by one clumsy hug,

Obviously catching gazes like we do.

We sat apart, a fair distance, maintained.

This wasn’t a date, I came here to talk

Stop looking at how sexy he is

Stop being victim to the chivalrous charm.

Just too happy yet reluctant to show my awe

I started ruffling the pages of your notepad.

Hopelessly gauche, my fingers trembled.

I wasn’t alright till you held my hand.

Maybe you read all through,

What I was trying to hide.

You cracking jokes, being your usual self

Making small talks to make me laugh.

But something had me chained,

It was a make-or-break day.

The chemistry was same, the warmth unconditional.

But I was sceptical, what if something was unfortunate.

We walk away from there soon…

Even paneer didn’t feel good today.

I was seriously disarmed.

Paced the same Rajiv Chowk

The station we’ve walked so many times.

Headed to our favourite spot

Tao in CP has its own charm.

Almost fought over drinking or not.

Settled to having a sober meal.

Thus began the talking

I thoughtlessly poured my heart out

The needed austerity was right across.

The tables had turned…I was the grave one today.

Talking didn’t seem just enough

Headed to CCD again…everything made perfect sense

We’ve had our best times there.

I was in mood for what I don’t like

A brownie and a chocolate pastry

A coffee we had never ordered.

Mere chocolate wasn’t killing me today.

Thus the beginning of things that never happened.

When it started to sink in…

It made me numb, I tried to be indifferent.

I chose not to rub it in now.

Tried my best to distract myself all along.

Soon it was time to go.

Trust me I wanted to run away.

Run away from this reality.

Not a thing, we won’t be one anymore.

The guy I was once in love with.

Its 4 in the morning, but I just can’t sleep,

Tossing and turning in my sheets.

Never been so hard….its impossible for me…

Everything is spinning like a tornado in front of me.

And all the blood is reaching my head,

I wish I knew what I could do.

Things changed so much in a week.

You have a lot of things to say,

And I listen to them intently.

But my mind’s battling with me,

Not ready to adhere to what it sees.

A hopeless sanguine, my heart still in love with you

Mind’s over the matter…pretending not to be.

You are just not ready

Giving endless arguments why it shouldn’t be.

I wish I could make you see,

What I am and what you were to me.

I wish I could sleep comforted in your arms.

Not a care in the world…I wish had those nights again

With the guy I was once in love with.